Monday, November 14, 2011

have a seat

'This is Hugh Milton, Eyewitness News, reporting today from Farmland, in fields stretching out of sight of a Mr. Harry Garvin, grower of the only known crop of', looking back over his shoulder and shuddering.."chairs"'.
Camera pans out and shows Hugh, with Harry on his left.
'You I understand it...the only one harvesting chairs in the Tri-State'?
'Yes, sir, that is'-
'Please speak up'. Hugh shows his big white new fake chopper smile looking into the camera twice.
'Yes, sir, that is correct, sir'. Harry turns and spits a beautiful arch of tobacco landing out of camera range.
'I guess you could say you are a "chaircropper"'?
Harry chuckles, wipes his glassy eyes. 'Oh, that's a good one, Hugh. I always liked you'.
Hugh grins eye-balling the TV camera, like looking into a light bulbed dressing room mirror combing his hair, missing manic direction to speed the interview along.
'Can't help it. It's how my mind works'. He doesn't know how to stop smiling, 23045 viewers are wondering. 'And tell us please, Mr. Garvin', his body swerving away from his camera transfixed head, 'how do the chairs grow'?
'Well..I..I..seed in the Spring, water, and there they be'.
Hugh, oblivious, marches on. 'And just who is that pretty young woman out amongst your crop'?
'What woman'?
'Her. There.'
Harry rubs his chin.'I don't know what you mean Hugh.'
'Sorry, Hugh.' Harry looks into the camera and shrugs. 'There is nothing out there except my chairs'.
Harry painfully stops smiling. People at home drop their dinner trays and lean forward...searching. Harry makes a cutting motion across his throat. The camera does not go off. A momentary silence and one last slit-eyed gaze into the fog-shrouded field.


This week's Tales Of A Magpie brought to you by The Acme Hearing Aid Company, innovators of the original detection-free hearing aid.


Blogger Brian Miller said...

haha the newsman has finally the nuances allowing us to see what the viewers at home are seeing on their screen...

11/14/2011 10:43 PM  
Blogger Caty said...

well the newsman learned to stop smiling finally :) loved "chaircropper"

11/14/2011 11:10 PM  
Blogger Dave King said...

Wonderful take on the image. I thoroughly enjoyed every word of it.

11/15/2011 5:41 AM  
Blogger Helen said...

I'd been waiting for this ..........

11/15/2011 9:41 AM  
Blogger JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

i enjoyed reading this sir!


11/15/2011 10:11 AM  
Blogger Lyn said...

I'm nominating this for an Emmy...a search goes on for the chairwoman!

I'll tune in again!

11/15/2011 10:32 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

Gotta love this one!


11/15/2011 1:31 PM  
Blogger Templeton's fury said...

Humorous and fun!

11/15/2011 10:29 PM  
Blogger Tess Kincaid said...

I have the biggest ol' smile on my face...chaircropper...oh!

11/16/2011 11:47 AM  
Blogger Berowne said...

You've captured a typical newscast beautifully. Very entertaining...

11/17/2011 8:23 AM  
Blogger ~T~ said...

Where can I buy these marvelous seat seeds?

11/17/2011 3:23 PM  

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