have a seat

'This is Hugh Milton, Eyewitness News, reporting today from Farmland, in fields stretching out of sight of a Mr. Harry Garvin, grower of the only known crop of', looking back over his shoulder and shuddering.."chairs"'.
Camera pans out and shows Hugh, with Harry on his left.
'You are...as I understand it...the only one harvesting chairs in the Tri-State'?
'Yes, sir, that is'-
'Please speak up'. Hugh shows his big white new fake chopper smile looking into the camera twice.
'Yes, sir, that is correct, sir'. Harry turns and spits a beautiful arch of tobacco landing out of camera range.
'I guess you could say you are a "chaircropper"'?
Harry chuckles, wipes his glassy eyes. 'Oh, that's a good one, Hugh. I always liked you'.
Hugh grins eye-balling the TV camera, like looking into a light bulbed dressing room mirror combing his hair, missing manic direction to speed the interview along.
'Can't help it. It's how my mind works'. He doesn't know how to stop smiling, 23045 viewers are wondering. 'And tell us please, Mr. Garvin', his body swerving away from his camera transfixed head, 'how do the chairs grow'?
'Well..I..I..seed in the Spring, water, and there they be'.
Hugh, oblivious, marches on. 'And just who is that pretty young woman out amongst your crop'?
'What woman'?
'Her. There.'
Harry rubs his chin.'I don't know what you mean Hugh.'
'Her.'
'Sorry, Hugh.' Harry looks into the camera and shrugs. 'There is nothing out there except my chairs'.
Harry painfully stops smiling. People at home drop their dinner trays and lean forward...searching. Harry makes a cutting motion across his throat. The camera does not go off. A momentary silence and one last slit-eyed gaze into the fog-shrouded field.

***

This week's Tales Of A Magpie brought to you by The Acme Hearing Aid Company, innovators of the original detection-free hearing aid.