Sunday, January 13, 2013

gift return


'Next'.
'I would like to return this sweater'.
'By all means, Madam. Do you have a receipt?'.
'Why yes, yes I do'.
'And for our purposes only, why are you returning said item'?
She leaned in close. Whispering, 'Because it's too large. I cannot reach the straw'.
'Straw?'
'You see. Here', barely audible and pointing, 'I cannot reach the straw from this portal'.
'Oh, we can't have that', he whispered sarcastically. He pressed a large red button hidden behind the return counter's chromed edge with a fat calloused index finger and smiled a yellow toothy grin. The creaking floor gave way, a blur of heavy overcoat, leather purse, flashy jewelry, and knit-capped hair(she just had it done!), plunging and screaming into darkness, witnessed by a winding line of horrified gift reject whisperers. I dropped the ebook reader, snug in its styrofoam, and ran out with the other quiet people, single file and orderly, running straight home, breathless, to Tom Joad, Walter Mitty, Kilgore Trout, and all my other faithful friends.

photo by Vincent Fournier

11 Comments:

Blogger Kathe W. said...

oh my - I'd be running back to Walter Mitty also! Good one!

1/13/2013 2:36 PM  
Blogger Berowne said...

Wildly creative comment. Good to see Tom Joad again; did he ever make it to California? :-)

1/13/2013 2:39 PM  
Blogger Other Mary said...

Hahaha - long ago, in another life, I worked retail. I'd have given a lot for a button like that. What a fun write.

1/13/2013 2:45 PM  
Blogger Helen said...

You launched a Willy Wonka visual in my mind! Down the hatch you go, ungrateful child! Except for you Charlie, our golden boy.

1/14/2013 12:51 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

Really inventive take on the prompt. And I think my sister would like it. She works retail.

;)

1/14/2013 3:33 PM  
Blogger Yvonne Osborne said...

HAHA I bet a lot of us wish we had a button like that! Thanks for the fun read.

1/15/2013 8:36 PM  
Blogger The Bug said...

That's hilarious! When I worked in Human Resources I would have LOVED to have a button like that :)

1/16/2013 10:06 AM  
Blogger ~T~ said...

I knew it. I've always been afraid of interrogations at the returns desk.

1/16/2013 1:30 PM  
Blogger Tess Kincaid said...

Tom Jode and Walter Mitty are my friends, too...

1/16/2013 1:58 PM  
Blogger Tess Kincaid said...

Tapocketa tapocketa tapocketa...

1/16/2013 1:59 PM  
Blogger Kutamun said...

Yes, i went straight down the chute !

1/17/2013 6:57 AM  

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