Monday, February 22, 2010

magpie matchbox murder

Yeah, just follow me on this. You could not have possibly shown up at a better time. Sit down, shut up, I'll pour you one. Ok, go ahead and warm your hands by the fire, but you have to hear me out. Just this - while I'm down on one knee searching, I swear, this magpie comes walking up to me from beyond this lone willow tree on the western hills carrying this odd box of fire sticks. I seen it I thought it was a small block of wood, ok? Must've got confused and thought it was an acorn. Yes yes, they'll eat anything. Stop rolling your eyes and drink up. Here's my theory: The guy started the fire ablaze with a match from that box you see on the table. He runs from the crime scene, he's not going to hang around and turn over the corpse for some Julia Child even baking crimmy, footprints show he ran towards the field, dammit, it was night, he trips, loses the matches. Look: the fine print here on back - they come 40 to a box, there are 37 left. It all fits, like Jimmy Durante and inka dinka doo. Shut up. No, if the dog really dislikes you she'd put her teeth all the way into your shoe. How the hell do I know where effing Bratislava is it don't matter. I'll bet you we're talking a foreign jobby though. The tv said the victim was European and so did the Times. Give me your glass. No! Don't light your cigar with that match from the evidence! I'm sorry, come back, I have another theory if you'd like.


Blogger willow said...

Phil, I was thrilled when I saw you had signed up for Magpie, and I certainly wasn't disappointed.
Of course, I had to let out a squawk when the magpie walked out from behind the lone willow!

2/22/2010 7:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh this is fun. I am gonna have to make mine shorter next time. I loved this.

2/22/2010 8:24 PM  
Blogger R. Burnett Baker said...

Fantastic! Somehow I can hear Mandy Patinkin performing this as a short, manic skit....sets my imagination on fire!!


2/22/2010 8:35 PM  
Blogger Brian Miller said...

love the campiness...would love to hear it read...maybe a radio drama..

2/22/2010 10:20 PM  
Blogger JeffScape said...

This is great. I can hear one of Hammett's sarcastic protagonists doing this one.

2/23/2010 12:04 AM  
Anonymous Uma Gowrishankar said...

Phil, really good, racy and ofcourse hilarious - had to finish reading in one breath. I've fallen in love with your loquacious magpie matchbox murder detective!

2/23/2010 12:23 AM  
Blogger NanU said...

excellent, Phil. A story to be spoken.

2/23/2010 6:56 AM  
Blogger Vicki Lane said...

What fun this was!

2/23/2010 10:30 AM  
Blogger christine said...

Such a fun writing I amazed at its punchiness, it got to me I would have run away too!


2/23/2010 11:48 AM  
Blogger Peter Goulding said...

Inka dinka doo!

2/23/2010 12:54 PM  
Blogger The Muse said...

application of style...languid :)

2/23/2010 4:21 PM  
Blogger steviewren said...

Love the quick staccato style of this story.

2/23/2010 7:39 PM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

I. Love. This. Moody, poetic, descriptive, vintagy, mysterious fun.

Your new fan. (Can't wait to explore your site.)

2/23/2010 11:17 PM  
Blogger phil said...

Thanks, and welcome, Jennifer.

And thanks to all Dear Readers leaving such kind and encouraging remarks. :)

2/25/2010 7:37 PM  
Blogger ♥ Braja said...

Hey nice to meet you Phil :)

That had Humphrey Bogart oozing out of it....

2/27/2010 9:56 PM  
Blogger chiccoreal said...

Love Jimmy Durrante!"dats my boy dat said dat!" Love Old Hollywood. Love your writing! Richly embellished with classic dialogue. Detective work is swell; excellent denouement with those missing matches; hot stuff!

3/02/2010 7:04 PM  

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