Wednesday, December 18, 2013

the iceman always rings three times

The Ice Cutters, 1911, Natalia Goncharova

(organ soap opera theme in and under for)

announcer: And now, The Iceman Always Rings Three Times, the story of wind-whistling days in the secret lives and loves of frigid folks in that sleepy-town, Belfontaine.

(theme up and suddenly out with a stinger)

announcer: Today we find the local ice delivery man, Wally, at the back door of Maxine, rich widow in dear old Belfontaine. Maxine is in her living room, alone, sorting out old love letters.

Maxine: (sighs) Oh, that was a good one. The soldier light on his feet at the barn dance in moonlight. (The telephone rings, sounding like an inebriated woodpecker).
Hallo? Who? No, this is NOT the First Federal Farmers Mutual Bank Of Belfontaine. What? No, I don't give out loans, I'm, so sorry. (sound of back door chimes ringing twice). I must hang up now. (sound of phone receiver slamming down. Maxine continues, wistfully) So many letters. Oh, I remember this one. The man with two foreheads. (sound of back door chimes ringing once).

Wally: (speaks from distance) Maxine?

Maxine: (laughs as she continues to shuffle letters) My, this fine gentleman was so kind, but he sounded like a goose. Mother wanted me to marry him. A fine singer with such range (sound of furious pounding on wooden back door).

Wally: (yelling from distance) Open the door!

Maxine: (startled) I wonder who that could be. Did I hear one or two chimes? I better check. (sound of footsteps going to back door, and creaky door opening). Wally!?

Wally: Maxine.

Maxine: I had no idea.

Wally: Never mind. I only have a short time to spare this afternoon.

Maxine: Did anyone see or hear you coming.

Wally: I'm not sure. I don't know. I was knocking pretty loud. I think the Holstein stopped chewing and gave me a dirty stare.

Maxine: We agreed on three.

Wally: I lost track after two. It sure is cold today.

(theme up and under for)

announcer: And so Wally and Maxine waste precious moments on the back porch. Will they have to postpone and reschedule? Will Wally learn to ring three bells in succession? Can they bribe the Holstein? And can Wally make Maxine forget about the man with two foreheads that manages the First Federal Farmers Mutual Bank Of Belfontaine? Join us again next time we hear Wally the iceman say...

Wally: It's only normal to wear three layers of pants in my line of work.

announcer: That's next time in the continuing intrigue of the ice escapade of The Iceman Always Rings Three Times.

(theme up briefly and out)


Blogger Helen said...

Waiting, impatiently for the next episode. Signed, Old Radio Gal

12/18/2013 9:15 AM  
Blogger Tess Kincaid said...

*big smile* thanks Phil...

12/18/2013 12:32 PM  

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