a million phone calls on hold

'Pick up, Gladys..you ain't gonna believe this one.'

I imagine that was sniggered many times the past couple days at the FCC help desk in the last days of analog.

Here are the top 5 comments and questions received at the official government help desk center along with expert pinpoint advice offered:

1)My TV dunt werk no moe.

call 9-1-1.

2)No clear picture.

Stretch the antenna wires out your front door crossing the street wearing one shoe with your mouth opened skyward.

3)My screen is all fuzzy like.

Shake the cable box and stomp your feet.
Go on - shake and stomp! Repeat.

4)Where can I get a coupon for the converter box?

Reader's Digest, June 1984.

5)Yes, sir, will the crossover make David Letterman funny again?

No.