doomed radio show, 1948

[commercial ends for the Big Sucking Vacuum Cleaner,
WKVJ Announcer:] 'Now! Back to you, Carl!'[theme show music swells]
'Let’s welcome now please ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Irving J. Heddenmeyer, from Willow Falls, Wisconsin!'
[canned over-zealous applause]
'Well, Irving, tell the good folks a little about yourself.'
[voice shaky] 'I’m from..'
'Please step closer to the silver microphone, Mr. Heddenmeyer.'
[proudly]'I am sole proprietor of the Steel and Wire Hardware Company in Willow…'
'Fascinating. And what hardware item is most requested, Mr. Heddenmeyer?'
[over confidence seeping in] 'Ummm. That’s a tough one, Carl. I would say it’s between bananas and electrogalvanized five penny nails, Carl.'
'That’s fine just fine, Irving. You’ve chosen as your category Talking Vagabond Birds. Why is that, Irving?'
'My wife Beatrice’s mother used to have this cat and..'
'Very good, I too had a mother-in-law once, Mr Heddenmeyer, here is your Big Question. And remember, if you answer correctly, you win a Big Sucking vacuum cleaner, or a covered butter dish. Ready?'
[singing, off-balanced Bing Crosby] 'Why yes I aaammmm, Carl.'
'Your question:' [drum roll]'What kind of birds are Heckle and Jeckle?'
[bouncy music plays and clock ticks for two minutes] 'We need an answer, Irving.' [music and clock for seven minutes more] 'Irving!' [unintelligible voice, like someone talking into an empty mayonnaise jar. Jarring sounds, dissonant, unidentifiable. Theme music speeds up, obviously a recording, stops. Sound of glass smashing. Dead air. People all over the country drop their newspapers, lean across, knocking over table lamps, turning up the volume knob of their worn Crosley Radios. Two days later, Irving found bound and gagged, slumped over dead in Queens. Carl never seen or heard from again. Police discover WKVJ ransacked, cordon off from curious neck stretchers. One year later sketchy radio homicide incident manifest mysteriously swiped from J Edgar Hoover’s desk.]