Friday, October 15, 2010

hard wares

The man behind the splintered counter peered over his glasses and smiled a patient smile, holding a laugh aching to bust out.
'You want what again, ma'am?'
'A knocker nub.'
'I don't quite know what you mean.'
'I have a knocker.'
'Ma'am?'
'A door knocker. The little nub is gone.'
'Nub?'
'The thingy the knocker bangs against.'
'The stopper.'
'Sir?'
'We pros in the hardware industry call it the stopper.'
'Ok, a knocker stopper.'
'Yes, ma'am.'
'Mine fell off and rolled away.' She sighs. 'Vanished.'
'Was it screwed in or glued?'
'Screwed in the rear.'
He bites his lip. 'Oh.'

'It's the half-door - the door to my art studio. An old old stable. Perfect, so just the right quantity of light projects indoors when I'm painting, and the lower door keeps pesky magpies from moseying in. Perfect, until that annoying ghost slams it shut, throws the bolt, and all I get is crooked light through the windows clouding my canvased blue skies. Maybe all that slamming loosened the stopper.'
'I see.' Fakes looking in a catalog with pointed finger.
'A ghost you say?'
'An art critic or cranky Van Gogh. I guess I should buy a quality brush,' she mused, tapping a finger upon her red lips.
'Aisle 3, brushes, next to the popcorn machine. And some carpenter's glue. Those nubs tend to break easily, out in extreme weather and all.' And in an amused monotone: 'I never thought Vincent was all that peevish about knocker nubs.'
'I thought you called it a stopper?'
'Yes, of course. Stopper. Ah, we're in luck!' Looking close at small numbers, holding his glasses with his other hand, the woman admiring the shining light reflected off his bald head, keeping his professional hardware industry stained finger in a catalog sitting on top of another dusty catalog. 'Ships from Italy, Signora!'

12 Comments:

Blogger Kristen Haskell said...

I have to have a great laugh at that one. I make up names for things all the time. Funny, the only person that knows what I am talking about is my husband. I loved this piece it was really fun read!

10/15/2010 8:31 PM  
Blogger Kay L. Davies said...

I love it. I also make up names for things. Knocker knubs, I mean, nubs, shipped from Italy. Lovely.

Kay, Alberta

10/15/2010 8:38 PM  
Blogger kathew said...

splendid delightful!

10/15/2010 9:07 PM  
Blogger Brian Miller said...

hehe. delightful read right before bed...knocker nubs...smiles. nice magpie!

10/15/2010 11:15 PM  
Blogger gautami tripathy said...

This is so good! Pleasure to read it!

:D

fortune tellers

10/16/2010 1:37 AM  
Blogger Berowne said...

Ours was not ordinary. It was huge, and made of fine metal.
It was a whopper copper knocker stopper.

10/16/2010 3:12 PM  
Blogger willow said...

As you can see, my knocker nub is firmly in place. (Yes, it screws in from the rear.)

Thanks for the giggles, Phil. This was a delightful read!

PS...my little local hardware store has a popcorn machine and serves free popcorn on Saturdays.

10/16/2010 4:37 PM  
Blogger Tumblewords: said...

I love this tale - it's full of fun and half-truths that make is just perfect.

10/16/2010 9:37 PM  
Blogger Jingle said...

knocker stopper...

you have a fun way with words and love the humor and wisdom in your tale.

cool magpie.

10/17/2010 12:14 PM  
Blogger Reflections said...

Wasn't that the thing-a-mu-jiggy underneath the doohicky that stops the glass pane from breaking as it slams shut?

Wonderfully humorous take on this magpie!

10/17/2010 9:31 PM  
Blogger Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

this was hysterical...I would love to see this acted out in a skit

10/18/2010 6:08 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

This was really fun! Thanks for sharing.

10/19/2010 4:58 PM  

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